Lessons of lament:
Years ago, in a personal time of loss, I remember weeping before the Lord. The holidays were fast approaching, and I was sad. Normally, the holidays would be a time of giving extra. A time for end of year giving. A time for gifts of appreciation. A time to be extravagant with care for others through gifts. During this particular season, I couldn’t comprehend how we could carry on. I couldn’t grasp the possibility of life beyond loss. I couldn’t see that good was coming down the road or that good seed was being sown with tears that would later produce a harvest of peace and joy.
Grief causes us to think (at least for a while) that all is lost. It’s easy to believe that life will never be good again.
I was stuck in my pain, and my feelings were hurt. Honestly, I felt like God had been unfair to us, and so I didn’t trust Him for a while. But what I learned during this long season of lament was how to cry and honestly voice my feelings. I learned how to grieve honestly and fully. I learned how to forgive. And I learned how to trust God with our next steps. I learned these things because He is faithful, and He never gave up on me.
Perspective through the rearview mirror:
In years of abundance, while our intentions were all very good, we were generous givers out of a mindset of self-sufficiency. It was easy to give. We were doing well. We were comfortable. We had extra to give. And even while we prayed and sought God’s wisdom and discernment on giving – even feeling God stretch us beyond our comfort level sometimes, we didn’t need to trust Him for an ability to give generously. We could do it ourselves.
Comfortable was not our friend.
At least that’s how we were living our lives in a whole lot of self-sufficiency. We have always needed God, and at times our need for Him was made quite apparent by circumstances beyond our control. We were yet unaware that we were about to step into God’s classroom of dependency, but God had it planned all along. Enter the next chapter of our sanctification journey. An opportunity to be humbled and an opportunity to live fully dependent on God.
We weren’t wrong, but we were missing the richness of a deeper intimate relationship with Yahweh.
Clarity after the storm:
I do not believe, not even on our most challenging day, that God struck my dear man with Parkinson’s. I do not believe that God stripped him of his desire to stay in his career until his final day on earth. I do not believe that God intentionally drug us through the desert for years just to teach us a lesson. I believe God knew that He could use these circumstances to mold us, shape us, and prepare us for the really good plans He had in store for us. I believe that God knows us better than we know ourselves. And I believe that God knows exactly how to get our attention, and what it will take for us to look up and call His name.
The wilderness season was necessary, according to God’s will, and useful for scrubbing us free of many of our pre-conceived notions about our lives, our purpose, and even our true identity as image bearers of Christ. It was necessary for both of us to feel the loss, and to recognize that we are not in control. We learned together to ask good questions in our prayers to God. In fact, for the first time in the decades of married life, we learned to pray together, to weep together, and to have faith together.
Most importantly, we needed this grieving season so that we would learn what it means to surrender our lives completely unto the Lord, our Maker. We had to learn and then implement our surrender of all of our self-sufficiencies. We needed to learn that everything we have, give, earn, and save, is His. He is the Owner of all things. Everything belongs to Him.
Finally, and this has been the topic of God’s schooling of us in this ebbing year, we needed to see God for us in ways we hadn’t experienced previously. God has been continually revealing Himself to us daily through His word, and in prayer, by way of fellowship with people in various communities, and by leading us to give more and more of ourselves in service to Him. We have grieved with the Lord and each other, and every moment of this season has been necessary because in the process we have gotten to know our God as Faithful. Loving. A Good Father. Teacher. Kind. Patient. Generous. Creative. And Adventurous. Full of JOY. And intentional. He is Immanuel. God is with us, and we know Him in a way we never would have unless He allowed us this wilderness experience.
As God lovingly walked us out of those years of grieving loss, He taught us how to rely on Him, which is the way we should have been living all along.
God has called us out of our comfort zone and into a life of adventure. We’ve had plenty of opportunities to give generously. These opportunities are much more exciting and rewarding because we are cognizant of taking our request to God. Instead of looking to our own ability to provide, we remember our Father’s big, deep pockets. We remember that we are here because He has provided everything we have ever needed. We praise Him for His generosity. And we ask Him to give to us what we are desiring to give away. It’s not an automatic transaction. We live and give out of a relationship with our Father who has brought us thus far.
While my dear man and I have lived out these years side by side, we experience grief and process our emotions, faith and God’s lessons in very different styles, modes and mediums. As for me, I am an outward processor, which is why I write, post, pray and share vulnerably my testimony. My prayers have been simple and child-like:
Lord, will You teach me to be creative?
Will You teach me how to creatively make gifts to give?
Lord Jesus, will You place something in my hands, when needed, that I can generously give to someone else.
Lord, You are the definition of creativity!
And You are a Father with deep pockets.
I desire to be generous. So, please teach me to rely on You for abundance that can be shared in a time of need with creativity.
I choose to trust You in this season.
I praise You God for all You’ve taught me about generosity through this tour of grief and wilderness. I praise You for providing out of Your deep pockets. Thank You Father for teaching us how to rely on You, how to talk with You about our pain, and how to process life with each other. Thank You Father for healing our hearts and our minds. Thank You for fortifying our faith. Thank You for teaching us to pray fervently, ask boldly, and watch expectantly for You to do what only You can do. I bless Your holy name for teaching me what it means to be creative, and I thank You for giving me the ability to learn creative skills.
I thank You for oranges and grapefruits and tomatoes to share, for fabric and a sewing machine, and hands that still work. You’ve given to us so generously so that we can turn around and share with a neighbor. You’ve taken good care of us and have kept us secure beyond our comprehension to understand how. Father, thank You for Your big, deep pockets. Thank You for the simple ways You remind me that I am not the owner, but the manager. When I harvest the abundance of produce, I remember that I have not done anything to produce this bounty. We have flourishing, producing trees because You have given the water, the fertilizer, the sunshine, and the bees. You have done this, and we are the beneficiaries of Your kindness.
God, I thank You for You have carried us safe to the other side. Going forward, as I watch storm clouds gathering or recognize the dusty path that walks us once more into the wilderness, I will trust You more as an expectant child shares an exciting roller coaster ride with their parent, side by side. You are withness. You always mean to teach me for Your glory and my good.
Father, I confess, years ago, in my anguish of heart, I screamed out to You, “Where is this abundant life You say You give?” Now I see… THIS is the abundant life. Your withness is abundant life.
Thank You for loving us first. I love You too. Amen.
Eyes on Jesus and Shine,
~Lisa
Thoughts to ponder with Jesus:
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Luke 6:38 NIV
What is your definition of generosity?
How have the different seasons of life shaped your views on giving and generosity?
All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23 “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”[a] (which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:22-23 NIV
How are you experiencing God’s withness in this season of your life?
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 1:3 NIV
Does it make sense to you that God is our Father? Does it make sense that He has big, deep pockets?
Do you want to talk to God, Your Father with big, deep pockets? He would love to hear your voice.
Let’s Pray.
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