Self, you’re not really going to admit you’re afraid?

…or are you?

At the core of my being (in the deeper heart) what is it that causes me to shake?  What (if I were to look honestly) would be the fear which would send shivers down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck stand up?

It’s the thing which causes me to look away…

…go off and get busy…

It’s a question dangling in the dark closet of my soul.  And just now the Holy Spirit of God has chosen to turn on the LIGHT.  He wants me to move in.

He’s extending an invitation, “Come to the light and look”.  He wants me to ponder the question long enough to allow myself to feel the answer.

Face the question, head on!

But, Self, you don’t want to step in and look at it.  You don’t want to even get close enough to peek – let alone examine it.  The question, that is.  You don’t even want to let yourself admit you are afraid in the deeper heart.

And so, Self, you pace around the throne room at a distance.  You dance around the outskirts.  You stay busy with other thoughts.  You continually tell yourself all the “right answers”.  The Christian answers.

No, I am not afraid.  Everything’s going to be OK.  It’s just a trial.  These are hard times, sure; but everyone goes through hard times.  I’m not going through anything as bad as him or her.

No, I am not afraid.  This is just a bad patch.  It makes us better…  If God’s in it, right?  It will serve to grow us up and ultimately strengthen our faith muscles.

Afraid? No.  God is good.  I know that.  He is good and He knows what He is doing.

No.  Come on, Self, snap out of it.  Get over yourself.  Wash your face and change your clothes and get to work.  You’re glorifying God in the hard place and you need to look like it!

And then I hear the Spirit of God whisper right over the endless clanging of self-chatter.

What is it, dear one lavishly loved?  What is causing you to be so fearful?

Oh, but I’m not.  God says in His Word, “Do not be afraid.”  I’m not afraid.  I’m trusting Him to take care of us and work this all out for His glory and our good because I love Him.  I’m standing on tiptoes – expectant.  I’m not…

Stop spinning.  Sit still, dear one.  Stop talking, and look at the question.  I’ve put a spotlight on it for you.

But, I don’t want to look at the question.  I don’t want to ponder it.  It’s too hard.  I’m afraid…

Ok, good, thank you for admitting you’re afraid.  I know you’re afraid, and you know you’re afraid.  I’m asking you to ponder a question that is uncomfortable for you.  Let me help you.  Look here in the Word of God.  Read about her… the widow.

Then the word of the Lord came to him(Elijah)… “Behold, I have commanded a widow there to feed you (Elijah).”  So he arose and went to Zarephath.  And when he came to the gate of the city, behold, a widow was there gathering sticks. And he called to her and said, “Bring me a little water in a vessel, that I may drink.”  And as she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, “Bring me a morsel of bread in your hand.”  And she said, “As the Lord your God lives, I have nothing baked, only a handful of flour in a jar and a little oil in a jug. And now I am gathering a couple of sticks that I may go in and prepare it for myself and my son, that we may eat it and die.”  (1Kings 17:8-12)

Look at her dear one gathering sticks.  She only had enough oil and flour to make some bread for herself and her son…

Yes, I see her.  I feel her pain.  The end she hoped would never come – was here.  Surely, she had hoped the rain would come.  Crops would be restored.  Something positive was surely on the horizon.  She had hoped…

Water in a drought must have been a hard request, but then there was more he asked of her.  To feed this man she would give all she had left.  She would pour out every last drop of her oil and make bread with the very last of her flour.

She had already made up her mind to obey.  I mean what would it matter anyway… she was down to her last whether she fed him or not.  The end had come just in time to help a man sent by God. It would be the last brave act of her life.

I see her.  She must have been terribly afraid.  Perhaps she was visibly shaken for Elijah spoke up and told her not to be afraid.  Who wouldn’t be?

But, I’m not afraid of this.  We’re not down to our last drop of anything or our last bit of anything to make food.  This is not the answer to…  the question you ask of me.

I know, dear one, you’re not there.  You’re not physically walking in her shoes.  These are not your physical circumstances.  Look again, with spiritual eyes.  Listen to Elijah’s requests.  I’m here with you.  Lavishly loved one, look as I’ve asked.  

Of what are you afraid?

…the answer…to be continued…

Ponders:

1. Dear one, can you identify?  Are you aware of your dark closet of the soul?  Is there a place in your deep heart which purposely stays dark to hide the hard questions?
2. Are you afraid to admit you’re afraid?  Are you willing to ask Father God to settle you enough and hold your hand so you will be able to look honestly at your current life circumstances?
3. Are you willing to sit still with the Lord, in the Light He’s bringing to your deep heart, and ask Him to illuminate a question He has for you to ponder?  Is it a fear?  Is it something else He wants you to overcome?
4. As Holy Spirit illuminates our understanding, we are able to call out that dark thing – call it what it really is in the light of truth.  Suddenly, the once oppressing, ominous monster loses its power.   It’s been true for me.  I pray you experience this victory as well.
5. Let’s give praise to God and worship Him for His care for you!  What does that look like between you and your Lord?  Here are a few ideas.  Please add your own creativity and please share with us in the comments.
   1. Perhaps you’ll write and sing Him a song of praise.
   2. Write Him a love-filled thank you note.
   3. Dance before Him and twirl with delight and thanksgiving.
   4. Play a musical instrument.
   5. Paint Him a picture.