FMF: {depend}

Again – it’s past Friday, and yet I will make a deliberate effort to write 5 minutes on Kate’s  word prompt for this week {depend}.

Why?  

I haven’t quite figured out the answer to “why?” just yet.  It’s not because I have so much time.  It’s not because my posts are widely read.  It’s not because anyone is {depend}ing on me to write and post.  It’s not because I’m being paid or in any way receive a monetary reward – or any material reward for that matter.

It’s just that I have so many thoughts and words and ideas racing through the twisting, turning highway of my mind.  At times all the words and thoughts – truth and lies – get tangled up together as if a major mangled pile up has taken place in my brain.

Writing helps me sort.  Typing out words and allowing Holy Spirit to bring to mind the truth of Scripture through which my thoughts need to be sifted brings me great peace and comfort.  By putting it out there on my blog and sharing my posts through social media, possibly someone will benefit from my sorting and filtering through the truth of God’s word.  Someone might become untangled by truth and ultimately receive peace and comfort and rest in reassurance Jesus has never left them.  No, not for one moment, have we been left alone!

And what does any of this have to do with the word prompt {depend} anyway?                                                              (5 minutes on my timer begins)

I’m learning in my personal conversations with Holy Spirit, and He is highlighting for me a very deep-rooted fear in me.  It’s a fear of {depend}ency.  It’s a fear of another person clinging to me.  It’s a very real fear of an unhealthy attachment – {depend}ency.

This is an odd quandary.  I value {depend}ability.  However, I fear {depend}ency.  And so, on this part of my life’s journey, I am often asking Jesus to teach me.  What is the difference between {depend}ability and {depend}ency?

I desire to be {depend}able.  Equally, I value other people being {depend}able.  However, I reject {depend}ency.  In my work, I strive to be someone who can be counted on – reliable.  I show up.  I get my work done.  I am purposeful in meeting my employer’s expectations.

Spoiler alert – I’m not perfect.  As much as I want to be {depend}able all the time, perfectly, 100%, without exception – I’m not.  No one is.  I value {depend}ability in the people I work with and for, and they are most of the time – {depend}able.  And then there are those few times when they are not.

There’s GRACE for this!

It’s the same in my family, with friends, in church and truly, every circle of life in which I live and breathe and move and have my being through Christ.  I desire to be {depend}able, and I desire others to be {depend}able with the full understanding on my part that the only trustworthy {depend}able One is God, my Father, Savior, and Counselor.  (5 minutes, but my thoughts continue)

So far, my conclusion is {depend}ency has to do with perfection.  It feels to me that someone {depend}ent on me expects me to be perfectly available and all-sufficient, all knowing and all present for their every need, all the time.  And I reject that – wholeheartedly I say “NO!” to that kind of expectation placed on me.  I fear that type of suffocating {depend}ency.  I run from it.

And through our sorting, Holy Spirit and me, through the filter of God’s word, I believe this is the correct reaction.  The only One Who can be perfectly available and all-sufficient to carry every burden and supply every need, being perfectly present all the time is God as the Word become flesh, Jesus, our Savior, and His Holy Spirit, Comforter, the gift to us received at salvation Who never leaves us – NEVER!

God is perfectly dependable.  And so yes, when I feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing up because I feel a dependency overshadowing me, I will pull back and redirect in all love and in truth pointing toward Jesus.

I’ll walk you to Him.  I’ll introduce you to Him.  And then I will leave you with Him.  Because He is all you have ever – and will ever need.  You can {depend} on Jesus.

I hope you would do the same for me.